It's indeed that time of the year, when everything seems to be way more interesting than what should be interesting then. No matter how much you love the subject you've taken up or how much you motivate yourself, you'll surely groan whenever the word 'exams' comes to your mind. I personally do a lot of groaning when it comes to this. I've not been blessed with an ultra receptive mind nor with the capability of acing every exam. Yet I do not feel motivated enough to study. I talk to my friend about it; tell her how I'm not able to fully realize how deep I'm buried in shit and plead for some sort of motivation. The poor girl does all she can to uplift my spirits: sends motivational texts, scolds me, tells me how pathetic it would be if all others pass and I fail, what my parents will think of me, how I'll be able to face myself (really?) so on and so forth. But alas, nothing works. I'm back to square one after an entirety of fifteen minutes. What could possibly be the reason behind this mental malfunctioning?
As I put up this question, I realize that it is not tough to come up with an answer since I already have at least 3 on top of my mind. How fascinating! Is this what really happens with everybody or is it just me? That even after knowing the cause of a problem we continue living with it rather than trying to cure it? That we are so hopelessly shameless that nothing matters anymore? Well for the benefit and enlightenment of the reader, I shall put forth some reasons that are floating lazily on the surface of my brain.
When I sit down to study I am suddenly flooded with thoughts and memories of episodes that took place long back (and I mean almost a year), recent events that have even the slightest impact on me or no impact at all even, some songs which I never used to hear before but now they continuously keep buzzing in my head and not to mention the thought of that certain someone (yes, one major hazard of being a girl I guess) continuously plaguing my mind. And once I start thinking, I am lost for a good hour or two. Sometimes I replay the entire conversation in my head, sometimes only the memorable parts. Oh, and many a times it so happens that I start thinking of a certain t.v show and end up playing an entire episode in my head. Now this has to qualify me as a retard. Many times my sister walks into the room to find me staring stupidly at the opposite wall with a slight smile on my face. The look on her face then surely says that I am a retard. Also, when I think of that certain person, I tend to think in detail; i take in every single smile, every smirk, every word uttered etc etc. So naturally it takes up time. And when it comes to matters such as these, all reason vanishes and only stupid feelings and emotions are left to float in.
The thing to notice here is that there is too much thinking going on. The mind is continuously churning some thought or the other, not necessarily pleasant ones. This has to have something to do with my doing Literature, a course that forces us to think and think in every way possible. Sometimes even over think things. This mind won't let me rest, or rather study. In hours not a single word of the text is comprehended as much as random thoughts are. Oh you troublesome, troublesome mind!
It is no joke when I say that I feel extra sleepy before and during exams. And I'm not alone in this, the same motivational friend feels so too. My theory is that since we study more before and during exams our brain works more and obviously gets tired. Now it also requires time to rest and recharge itself, does it not? It is another matter entirely that I don't study so much in the first place that my brain should get tired. The only explainable reason then seems to be that the brain gets tired even when we think random stuff. So naturally for it to work properly later on we need to give it some rest. Also, everything seems so much more delightful: those kids shrieking and playing in the park, that continuous music provided by cars and bikes passing by, the person at the door etc etc. Even cooking and cleaning utensils seems to be a pleasant task then. Oh, but I would never move my lazy self from my bed to do all this. Exams are the perfect time to play Bluff with your parents. Since I need to utilize my time studying, I can obviously not go and do all the domestic work, can I? Besides, exams give a reason to log in to Facebook every five minutes. As I have to constantly look up information regarding my texts, I easily while away time on Facebook checking out new pictures that have been put up, status updates, playing silly games and posting on the profile walls.
The fact that I am sitting here writing this random blog entry instead of studying for exams alone talks of my exam-o-phobia.
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